Friday, April 1, 2016

Damien Dickens Tipped for Big Screen

Hollywood, Florida, April 1, 2016.- Movie rights to the Damien Dickens Mysteries have been sold to George Clowney, popular actor/producer and nephew of the late, great songstress, Rosemary Clowney. Joan and Ethel Cone, who have worked with Clowney on other projects, will adapt the mystery novels for the screen and also direct the series.

When asked who will play the part of Damien Dickens, Clowney revealed that action star Harrison Fond has already agreed to take on the role. Melanie Griffon will play Millie Hewitt, Damien’s sidekick and love interest. Sigournysht Helfen will play Sylvia Sutherland. The part of Bruno Caravaggio has been offered to Charlie Shine. Clowney is rumored to have reserved the role of Gordon Sethwick - Sylvia’s husband - for himself. 

Author Phyllis Entis pronounced herself ‘delighted and thrilled’ at the news, and at the casting. “I’ve always envisioned Fond and Griffon in the lead roles of Damien and Millie,” she said. “I realize that they and the other actors who have been cast so far are older than would be ideal, but with today’s digital technology, the raw images can be age-adjusted. Mr. Clowney assures me that he can make Fond, Griffon and Helfen look as young as they did in their 1988 film, Workin' Gal. I’m confident that he and the Cone sisters know exactly what they’re doing.”

Filming will begin as soon as the screenplay is ready, according to Ethel Cone. “We’ll be filming The Green Pearl Caper on location in Atlantic City and in Stowe, Vermont this summer,” Cone said. “Once the film is in the hands of the digital editors, Joan and I will get to work on the screenplay for The White Russian Caper. We already have someone in mind for the role of Derek Turpin in the sequel,” she added, with a twinkle in her eye. “We’ve been approached by Donald Tramp, who insists on playing the part of the businessman.”

This reporter contacted Mr. Tramp for confirmation and a comment. “I’m perfect for the part,” he proclaimed. “Turpin is a successful businessman. So am I. Turpin has a protruding lower lip. So do I. Turpin is the only person in the entire book who isn’t a loser. He’s a winner. A Winner! So am I. None of these other actors know how to play a winner. I know. I know how. I’m perfect. Perfect. I'm perfect!”

Clowney declined to comment on the choice of Tramp. “It’s too soon to talk about casting supporting characters for the second film,” he said. “We're still casting the first one. Nevertheless, I have complete confidence in Joan and Ethel Cone. I’m sure that they will make the best decisions for the success of the series.”

- reported by April Foole


  1. Maybe this will get into the right hands and make your dream come true. I'd love to see In The Victim's Shadow as a movie.

  2. For a brief moment, I was elated for you. A good giggle you provided - especially in regards to Mr. Tramp.

  3. Ethel Cone :)

    Fun stuff, Cuzzie. And with Trump.. it's going to be UGE!

  4. Thanks for visiting, everyone. A gal can dream, n'est ce pas?